Thoughts on leading a simple life

Last week a friend forwarded an inspirational story to me. She is into such things, I am not. It was about an old man who loses one shoe as he boards a bus. So he throws the other shoe out of the window as the bus starts moving. This is so that whoever found one shoe would have the other too, and hence get some use out of the pair. The story conveyed the importance of not being attached to material things, and how to lead a simple life. I wrote to my friend and thinking I could take liberties with someone I had known for over thirty years, told her it was a crock of shit. She was annoyed, and said clearly I was beyond redemption. I felt bad and in order to demonstrate my remorse to her, I decided to follow the example in the story.

So today, I threw my shoes out of my office window. This was not a wise decision as they hit someone walking below. A Man. He yelled up, "Susan you bitch of a wife, I already said sorry for coming home drunk last night. And anyway, what are you doing on the first floor of this building when I most definitely left you at home 20 minutes ago?"  I yelled back, "Susan does not work here, I am trying to lead a simple life." 

I heard The Man mutter, "You are simple all right, simple in the head." He shouted up to me in a very loud voice, "You STUPID WOMAN, why are you throwing shoes at someone other than your own husband?" I replied, "Excuse me Mr Rude Man, firstly you don't know whether I have a husband. Secondly, I don't throw things at my husband. Thirdly, I am just trying to lead a simple life by giving away my shoes." 

The Man asked, "What use do I have for a pair of red stilettos?" Now I was worried because I don't wear stilettos, red or otherwise; and my shoes this morning were definitely black low heeled ones. I looked down and saw that my feet were still shod in those black shoes. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that my colleague looked very upset. Looking at her bare feet, I knew that something somewhere was very very wrong. And that I should keep my shoes on and start running.
Such are the perils of trying to be good. Clearly I am doomed to gross imperfection.